Pet Peeves

 

I’m not a stickler for many things, but when it comes to little things, I get so annoyed. Oh my goodness and you know it’s really bad when I find it necessary to have a list of pet peeves. And I’m by no means the grammar police because I make mistakes too…but these are some of the things that really bothers me…I may be alone on this, but perhaps not. 

There, their and they’re. 

Sometimes, I know it’s an autocorrect issue but seriously, I think that all adults should know the difference between these three little words.

• Use there when referring to a place. A location. Over there. I am going there. Hint: there has here, and here is a place so there must refer to a place. Easy to remember, right? Right.
• Their, when referring to a person or possession. Their house. I’m going over there to their house. Their has heir in it. Heir is a person, so their refers to the person.
• They’re is the contraction of they are. They’re my friends from University.

Converse. 

It’s converse, people. NOT c o n v e r s a t e…the auto correct won’t let me write it. Lol. So, when you speak to someone, you converse with them, you know, like the sneakers. You have a conversation not  c o n v e r s a t e. 

Buy, bought, bring and brought. 

Buy. Bought. You buy a dress from the store. Yesterday you bought a dress.

Bring. Brought. Bring me some food. I brought you some food.

So, an easy way to remember that is the br in bring and the br in brought…see, easy to remember, right?

Regardless. NOT irregardless…although irregardless is widely used and can be found in the dictionary, it is considered informal or colloquial. So regardless means without regard, ir means not, so by using ir-regard-less you’ve added a double negative to the term, negating the meaning. 

Using you and I when you should say you and me. 

This is a hard one, but the rule is, if you can separate the sentence into two sentences and it makes sense with I, then use I, if it makes sense with me, then you use me…that is how you know which pronoun to use. For example, is the sentence: he gave the cake to you and I or he gave the cake to you and me, which is correct? He gave the cake to I or He gave the cake to me? Which one is correct? Me. Yep. That’s the one you use. So the sentence is, he gave the cake to you and me.

Not re-reading a message, before you send it, is a sin.  I’m guilty of this, especially when I’m in a rush, but for the most part, I always try to review an email, a Facebook post or a text before I hit send. Autocorrect can be a pain and change words into those you don’t intend to use, but taking that second look and time to review the message is a good idea…especially if it’s a work related message.

Oh, I almost forgot. You, your and you’re. A lot of times, this is an autocorrect issue but please… stop using your when you mean you’re. Ok. You’re is you are, so sending the message, I hope your ok, should read, I hope you’re ok. Or just simply spell it all out…I hope you are ok.

One more thing…not everything is a hashtag. # Geeze!!! Back in my day, that was the pound sign or the number sign. Lol.

That's it for now...I could go on, but I have too many pet peeves to list.

#PetPeeves

My Stream of Consciousness

My Stream of Consciousness

I’ve been thinking about aging and getting older as I’ve noticed some changes in my body that I’m not particularly fond of like my backaches and knee creeks and brow wrinkles and memory lapses and when you work in healthcare any little ache you have you automatically think it’s something major oh my goodness I have a headache so you go to webMD to see what the hell you have and inevitably it always says cancer so you curse the website and say f*ck I don’t have cancer fuck you cancer this is a bullshit site but I must say with all these signs of getting older I’m thankful for everything and I’m so blessed to live in a country where I can say what I please even though we know that racism and hatred still lives here I am so thankful to not live in a place where I don't have to carry my children on my back or carry my belongings on my head to flee a war I am thankful that I have clean water and a roof over my head I am thankful for the blessed life that I live because when I see what’s going on in this world my heart breaks and there is nothing I can do to stop a hurricane from tearing down a home or flooding your car and leaving you homeless and there is nothing to be done to prevent an earthquake from crushing your life’s core and sucking all your belongings into it’s bosom while you stand helpless and humbled as mother nature rage on and you wonder about all the things you’ve taken for granted and the little things you’ve been upset about and all of a sudden these seem so petty and so trivial so when someone says to you go back to Mexico or go back to Africa tell them no you go back to the caves of the caucuses you neanderthal backwards thinking motherf****r and punch them in the throat we are not our ancestors who break bread with you and allowed you to kill them and enslave them and take their land and give them diseases so we can die hell no we are a new generation of if you touch me with your racism I will touch you with my hands so f*ck off you trump voting tiki torch carrying confederate flag raising hater who probably doesn’t even know that the tiki torch is Polynesian actually you know what I think it is about these racist assholes they have small penises and small minds and the women grew up surrounded by these insecure women-bashing individuals so to them all of this is normal and was buried in their souls waiting for a half black president to bring it out of them he’s not even full black lol so I really don’t know why they hate him so much but you know what they say you only need a drop anyway I digress wasn’t I talking about aging…

(This writing method is called a stream of consciousness, you simply write anything that comes to your mind. I do it when I'm stressed, sad, upset, angry or in this case, when I've received bad news. Try it. No punctuation. No deep thinking. Just get it all off your chest and let the writing takes you where it takes you... It's cathartic.)

#StreamofConsciousness

#FuckYouCancer

You Too? Me Too

You too? Me too..

One hundred percent of us will be harassed, sexually or otherwise, at lease once in our lifetime. Yes, I said 100%. That may seem shocking and false, but if you look at what (sexual) harassment is, you will understand why I say that. If you look at all the women (and men) that are coming out with their stories of harassment, then you will understand why I say that. If a man like Trump, a self-admitted, sexual predator, can become president, then you can understand why I say that. If a man like Charlie Rose is among the accused, then you can understand why I say that.

logo credit: www.divorcedmoms.com

When we think of sexual harassment we automatically think of being touched, but you can be harassed without being grabbed by the pussy. You can be harassed without being touched at all.

Have you ever read your employee handbook? Maybe when you first got hired during orientation, but after that we really don’t look at it…except for those of us in healthcare. If you’re in healthcare, you are required to participate in annual re-education on topics such as sexual harassment in the workplace, elder abuse, blood borne pathogens and fire safety, so it’s always fresh in your mind. But too often we are party to a joke, that is clearly inappropriate, and we simply brush it off as a joke. So, I implore you to read the definition of harassment. No one has to touch you. No one has to grab you. No one has to force themselves on you. Someone making a joke that is sexual in nature, is harassing you and if you witness harassment, you have an obligation to speak up. If you are harassed, you need to say something.

We all have that jerk on our job that makes stupid jokes that could be misconstrued as harassment but we all know that this person means no harm. If a co-worker decides to report him to human resources, this person can be terminated for harassment. So, this is a serious matter.

When something happens a long time ago, we may not be able to recall all the details, so it’s important to document everything. So, everyone should keep a journal. When you first start a new job, buy a journal and be sure to jot things down while they are fresh in your mind. Don’t forget to put a date and time on each of your journal entries. When you travel, get a journal for those travels as well. You don’t need a different journal for each job or each vacation but you should have a journal with enough pages to last the entire year. This journal could mean a world of difference.

For those women that are coming forward with their stories 20 or 40 years later…it makes you wonder…who knew? Because someone knew. When the Harvey Weinstein or Bill Cosby or Roy Moore or Al Franken or George H.W. Bush, or Kevin Spacey were doing this to these women and men…somebody knew what was going on and did nothing to stop it. When Ben Affleck or Roman Polanski, or Woody Allen or Ed Westwick were harassing and raping these women, somebody knew and did nothing. This problem is so pervasive that we elected a sexual predator to the White House. To which I credit this outpour of women coming forward to tell their stories. Many in the media are calling it the Weinstein effect, I’m calling it the Trump effect. I’m sure many of the 42% of women who voted for Trump are suffering from buyers remorse. How many of you are a part of this #metoo campaign? How many more will be accused? How many women (and men) who are not in public life, is this happening to? Don't be ashamed. Speak up! You are not alone. 

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/film/harvey-weinstein-domino-effect-rape-sexual-harassment-list-me-too/article36748593/

#WhoDidYouVoteFor

#FireTrump

#NoSexualPredators

#MeToo

Neglected Vagina

I've been neglecting my vagina lately. Not literally, but metaphorically speaking of course. It's been a while since I've blogged and it's because I've been busy...I have so much to say but just no time to write it down. So that's what I mean when I say I'm neglecting my vagina. LOL ;)

You probably know by now that I'm not a big fan of 45. So, everything he does is just stupid to me. He doesn't have an original plan, thought or idea, he simply wants to reverse Obama's initiatives and dismantle his legacy...but no matter what this orange fucktard does, Obama will go down in history as one of the best presidents this country has ever seen. Not only because of his intelligence and swag but because he was truly trying to be the president for everyone, especially the little people, those who are so stupid, they don't even realize that he truly cared about their well-being.

DACA. Oh my goodness, where do I begin? How could you possibly want to send these dreamers back. This is their home. You accept white nationalist and nazis but you think that hard-working immigrants are a problem. Really!?!?!? And if you call yourself a businessman, think about the economic ramifications this would have on the economy.

And let's talk about these white nationalist who marched with tiki torches...a Polynesian hand light; I don't even think they know anything about Polynesian culture, so never mind. They're just ignorant racist jerks who seem to not recall that this is not their indigenous land. So, if anyone is to go back, it would be these assholes. Most of them wouldn't even be able to join hitler's crew, so go figure.

And these damn natural disasters that are happening...hurricanes, earthquakes, and more hurricanes.

Anyway...I won't stay away so long.

The Privileged Ones

Privileged! 

When you hear the word privileged 

You don't picture a brown or black face

Because our privilege is one gotten through struggles and fights

When you hear the word privileged 

Why is it white privilege

Black and brown privilege must be usurped 

You too are privileged 

So own it

Claim it

Don't apologize for it

We've gotten our privilege at the end of a noose

By the bite of a dog

From the water of a fire hose

From the colonizers brutality 

We've gotten our privilege from marches

The lash of the whip

The back of the bus

From the policeman's gun

We've gotten our privilege from being strong

Determined 

Unyielding 

Surviving

So when you hear the term privileged 

Own it

Claim it

Don't apologize for it

Because this is your country 

No matter how you got here

This is your neighborhood

Your neighborhood before it was cool 

Hip 

Gentrified 

In order to be perceived as privileged 

You have to behave as such...

Don't let others tell you you're not entitled because you possess too much melanin 

Don't let others tell you you're not entitled because you live in the "wrong" zip code

Don't let others tell you you're not entitled because your school isn't given the proper allocation of funds

Don't let others tell you you're not entitled because they hate you while secretly wishing they possess your lips, butt, shade, swag 

Don't let others tell you you're not entitled because they think you're good enough to raise their children but not good enough to be their friend 

Don't let others tell you you're not entitled

So when you hear the term privileged 

Own it

Claim it

Don't apologize for it

Because you're beautiful 

Strong

Determined 

Unyielding 

Surviving 

You're entitled to all of it

So act like it

You're privileged

Don't apologize

We are the privileged ones!

###

*This poem is dedicated to every melanin infused Homo sapiens... ranging from brown to black, to all our immigrant brothers and sisters in the struggle, to all the refugees, to all those who seek a better life for their families. I see you!

Embrace and Accept

I haven’t been blogging lately because I really didn’t have much to say…so, I’ve been writing a bit of my book. But today I wanted to post this because I think it’s so important that we celebrate, embrace and accept, not just tolerate, the differences in the world…especially today. So Happy Spring…

Contemplative Court @ the African American Museum, D.C.

There is always going to be someone smarter than you, taller than you or shorter than you. Someone skinnier than you. Someone more voluptuous. Someone sexier. More fit. Prettier. And someone with more money. The issue isn't these differences that exists in the world but the way we treat those different from us, the way we behave towards those poorer and those who are not the same like us. 

I was fortunate to grow up in a family that taught me to treat everyone with respect, with dignity and to accept, not just tolerate, our differences. My parents value education and that seemed to be the only thing they were concerned about. What is he studying? Where did she go to school? What's his profession? They never asked about race, religion, ethnicity or sexual orientation. All my friends were invited home. All my friends were accepted. All my friends were family. 

I'm raising my girls the same way but sometimes it's challenging not to point out the differences...even in them. I couldn't talk back to my parents but these little ones seem to think that talking back is normal. They seem to think that they can speak to the nanny or the helper as they wish. (In the Caribbean we say helper, not maid.) No! That's not how you speak to an adult. Yes, you can ask question but with respect. 

I also try not to compare my kids. The eldest loved to read and would read 100+ books a year. The middle one, the artist, only likes graphic novels and the baby reads everything her sisters read. They are different, so I try not to compare but the stark differences are apparent. We embrace these differences and acknowledge that we have to approach each child in a unique way. 

Wouldn't it be boring if we were all the same? Imagine a world where everyone looked alike...spoke the same...ate the same foods and only listened to one type of music? How boring!!!! 

So embrace the differences. Love your big hair, your chocolate skin, your high cheek bones, your broad nose, your peach skin, your straight hair, your thin lips, your curvy body, your no-so-curvy body...your unique YOU. And loving yourself doesn't mean you have to hate others. Open your mind and heart to the beautiful differences that make this world an amazingly wonderful melting pot of cultures...and engage in the exchange of learning something new. 

You can’t do that by staying in your little bubble. You can’t do that by not having a passport. You can’t do that by not making friends. You can’t do that by not being open in heart, mind and soul.

Freedom Tower (WTC),  NYC

I’m 40 Weeks and 4 Days

Chapter I: I’m 40 Weeks and 4 Days

Oh my goodness, this is it.  It’s time!  These are definitely not Braxton Hicks.  
Babe!  
Babe!  
Baby!  
Wake up!  
I’m in labor!!!!!!!!  

It’s 5:30am and the pain is excruciating.   I need to time my contractions.  Breathe.  Ok.  Here comes another one, it’s 5:40am.  Ok, I can deal with this.  I have enough time to get ready.  I have enough time to get Cassidy to my ex-husband’s so he can take her to school.  

Ten minutes is a long time.  

I know that this is it.  Let me call my doctor just to alert her. 

Fuck!! 

Shit!!! 

Damn!!! 

The frigging pain!!!!

Ok, still trying to call my ex. Why the fuck isn’t this dude answering his phone?  He knows I’m due any day now!  He was told that I would bring Cassidy to him.  Answer the damn phone!!!!  One more time… if that asshole doesn’t answer the phone…geeze. Ok, ok... stay calm. Stay f u c k i n g calm.

Fuck me!!!! 

It’s 7:35am and the contractions are now about seven to eight minutes apart.  My hospital bag is packed.  I have my insurance card, my robe, my slippers, the baby’s outfit and my husband.  My husband?  Where is he?  Babe!!!  Wake up! We have to go.  

I’m not sleeping, he mumbled.  Did your water break? 

No, not yet but now my contractions are about five minutes apart.  

What did your doctor say when you called her?  

I didn’t speak to her. No, yes. … I did, I I I did did speak to her. I couldn’t get the words out. The pain was suffocating. She wants me to go to the hospital once my contractions are five minutes apart and once I get there, they will call her.

It’s now 8am. Get my bag babe.  I’m ready! Contractions are five minutes apart.

We get to our car and I can barely fit.  I am huge.  I was 40 weeks, four days ago.  But you can deliver two weeks before or two weeks after your official due date, so I resigned to waiting two more weeks.  But here it was, she was coming…four days after my due date.

We arrived at the hospital around 8:30am.  I had already pre-registered, so I was taken directly up to labor and delivery.  I signed in with the technician, they hooked me up to the machines and began to monitor my contractions. The freaking tech couldn’t get the IV line in my hand. She kept sticking me. It took her about four tries to get the needle placed. Talking some shit about my rolling veins. I wanted to punch her in her fucking face. But, finally the IV was in and my D5 saline fluids were dripping.  I was ready to have this baby.

They transferred me to my private room, my nurse came in to introduce herself, I got hooked up to another machine and the next thing you know it was time to push.

My doctor came in to check on me.  She said I was 7 centimeters dilated.  The contractions were now more frequent.  I don’t know how many minutes or seconds apart, but they hurt like hell.

I felt like I lost consciousness each time. This was a pain I had never experienced before.

I finally asked for drugs.  It was too late.  I couldn’t get any medication, I was now 8 centimeters and the baby’s head was crowning.  

I don’t know what time it was at this point…but I was told that it was time to push, I’m now 10 centimeters.

You’re doing gre…blah blah blah.  

What the hell is he saying, I thought.  

The contractions stopped.  

What did you say babe?  As soon as he started to answer, the contractions were back.  Every 2 minutes.  

Push through the contractions, you can do it, this is it.  

Push!

After 30 minutes, I was still pushing.

Push!

Breathe!! 

Push!!

Breathe!!

Push!!!

Breathe!!!

We have to cut you.

Cut me? CUT ME? No, no, no!!! I can push. I don’t want a cesarean.

No, not a c-section. An episiotomy. 

Snip! I felt it. I was back to pushing again.

Moments passed and I felt the relief and the pressure subside from my womb.

She was finally here. 

They stitched me up and all care turned towards the baby.

My husband had left my side as soon as the umbilical cord was cut.  He was standing next to his daughter, then holding her, then she was on my chest.

Her head full of black silky hair, pale face, eyes closed, and just a little doll.

*The above is excerpts from the first chapter in my book, "Where's My Vagina: what to expect when a diva's expecting," and based on true events of my 3 pregnancies* The artworks are from my 3 girls...

I Invite You To Cry

Have you ever awaken in the morning and felt blue?  An overwhelming feeling just takes ahold  and all you want to do is cry. Have you ever awaken and wondered why? Why didn’t I get that job? Is it because I’m a woman? Why did I have kids? Why didn’t I have kids? Why did I get married? Why did I get divorced? Am I crazy for these feelings I feel? Why am I crying? I need to stop crying, because crying makes you feel weak.  Don’t it?

<iframe src="https://www.google.com/maps/d/embed?mid=1AcjbqhlKK_aiB7EDwQn93zHZzBo" width="640" height="480"></iframe>

Well, all these feelings happen to everyone and just because you're female doesn’t mean you're weak. Just because you cry doesn’t mean you're weak.  Crying is the body’s way of expressing sadness, joy, anger or fear.  It’s cathartic. It’s natural.  And because you typically don’t see men crying, doesn’t mean that they are incapable.  It doesn’t mean that they are stronger than you.  It doesn’t mean they can not feel weakness or be vulnerable or express sadness, joy, anger or fear.  A male's response may be different from a female's, simply because of our chemical make-up, plain and simple. Not because they’re stronger. Not because women are weak.  On the contrary, some may say that we are the stronger sex.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/21/reasons-women-are-the-stronger-sex_n_5153446.html

So, crying doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human. It makes you more empathetic. It makes you woman and if that is our "only" flaw ;)…I say hell yeah, I will cry any damn day for any damn reason because I am woman. And since today is International Women’s Day and the day without a woman, let’s see who will be crying when we don’t show up to work…or make your dinner…or take care of your loved ones…or hush your babies to sleep. I invite you to cry with us because a day without women, is a sad day indeed.

DAY WITHOUT A WOMAN: 50 COUNTRIES | 400 RALLIES PLANNED

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY

 Worldwide Day Without A Woman

#DayWithoutAwoman

Get Out

Oh my fucking goodness, that movie was good. Great. Excellent. Can I start my first movie review blog like that? Well I guess I just did…because that was my reaction when the movie ended. One hour and 44 minutes of laughter, fear, WTF moments, drama, sweating, a few jumps from my seat and a few screams of kill that motherfu**er. Get Out is a modern day thriller that tries to tackle race relations and black stereotypes, the evils of suburbia, the pain of loss and the awkwardness of meeting the girlfriend’s family…  It’s Meet the Parents and Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner meet The Stepford Wives. It’s brilliant. It’s suspenseful. It’s funny. Only the mind of Jordan Peele can come up with this concept. 

Synopsis: a young African-American man travels upstate with his Caucasian girlfriend to meet her parents. At first, you think the discomfort he feels is simply because he’s the "first" black boyfriend she’s taken home. Then the country club friends arrive and you soon begin to realize there’s something sinister at play. But what unfolds is totally mind boggling and it takes you on a ride like no other horror movie has before. The tea cup. The bingo game. The red box. You MUST see this movie…and if the Academy does not nominate this film for an Oscar, they will be terribly remiss in their duties.

#GetOut

#OscarBuzz

DO NOT WATCH IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN GET OUT, CONTAINS SPOILERS:

Did you read this article?

http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2014/11/whites_see_blacks_as_superhuman_strength_speed_pain_tolerance_and_the_magical.html

These perceptions were tied into Get Out and painfully shows how racism is still a major part of our society.  If you’ve ever wondered why cops think black men are more dangerous or older than they are…this article may explain.